UNCLE HILLBILLY

Sometimes retirement takes away all. And I mean all. Uncle Hrishikesh, or as my cousin calls him - Uncle Hillbilly, is at best at his outstanding-yet-effortless potrayal of a person who's out of place. I repeat, retirement takes things off. Even good dress-sense. He came over to meet me before leaving back to his nest in Darjeeling. And again, tactless, he came to visit me while I was in college working over a project, with (god forbid!) abysmal clothes.

My peers gaped at him. One of them even said, "NO! You have to ask permission from the head of the institution for us to donate some money". He replied, with distorted vision at the ceiling, "Eh?! Donate, no miss, I don't donate a thing. I sell very good antiques in Darjee though. You want a very nice scarf to cover yourself with warmth, don't you miss? I have a very old one, but warm one...". He went on until I pulled him out of the room, leaving my peer with the look of incredulity shining across her face.

"What are you doing here?", was all I could express my ingratitude of seeing him in my workplace. "Come to visit you, neffie. Last visit before I leave to Darjee". Like you won't come back again, thought I. 

But before I could actually express this deep regression of mine, he unfortunately said, "Introduce me to your friends. I might find someone who would try my antique comics of Chacha Choudhary. You young kids love them". I cried with horror! I retorted, "Uncle!! No way!".

"But you loved reading them when you was a kid. I still have those collections", he said. "I was a kid then, I am not one now!". And my embrassing situation was to descend upon this moment. He said, "Oh you are still my neffie-kid. Give your Uncle a clap!". My friends sniggered with mirth. One of them was even crying with joy. My teeth shattered in disgust. "It's called a hi-fi! Alright, I'll introduce you to them, but no comics deal. And you can't say no or buts for that!". He smiled and followed me as I said everyone's name and told them Hrishikesh was my uncle. They all mockingly replied in unison, (just when you need to be embarassed once again) "Hi Uncle Hrishkesh!!". One of them pipped, "Absolute joy to meet you! Too bad Shanky's missing this". Okay, looks like today will be my 'strip-your-happiness-away' day. 

Uncle started his wonderful talks, "You know, I know this nephew of mine ever since he was like this old". He gestured a height. "And I have seen him almost naked when his cousin pulled off his pants while they fought over a bike-ride". Oh no! Disaster! I cannot believe he mentioned that in front of my friends, which even included giggling girls. 

To evade any more of it, I thank god for making one of my teachers call me for some work. It was rather mixed, I felt bad for my adventures were to be revealed with a clear limelight, but good because I hadn't to face them in front of me. Then came another feeling, and I smiled. Heaven knows how much my friends will be tortured by him.

After sometime, fifteen minutes almost, I joined them back. He went rattling on, but now not about me. Bingo, his antique shop and how sweet that he equally tortured them. They were tired, the guys absconded saying they'd been called now. But the girls weren't easily provided that advantage. 

They were clearly torn between the temptation whether to buy antique jewellery at the cost of 10 rupees or whether to avoid doing business with an almost stranger and run away from his orating lecture. Oh dear girls, poor you!

Then, the teacher who had thought my uncle was a nobody saw me, him and the girls and realized he was a known person to one of us. I whispered to her, "He's my Uncle ma'am. He's come to see me". She replied, "Oh! Sweet of him, call him inside the department. I want to talk with him". Oh boy! A new headache. Wonder if she'll lecture him to being tactful.

Said I in a barely audible voice, "Uncle, my teacher wants to speak with you and is inviting you inside the department. Shall we go?". "What? You have a cheetah that speaks and is inviting you to dinner? Son, cheetahs eat people! Surely, you must have known that!". "Okay, that's it. Come with me, Uncle", and I pulled him inside and told him to shush. 

My teacher started to speak, "This is very nice of you sir, to have come to the institution, and see how your nephew works here". "Ah well, miss, to be frank, I don't suffer from constipation and yes, I agree that very few have that hard luck to face it". She rolled her eyes. I adjusted, "He means he's happy to be here. You see, my Uncle is a little hard of hearing, so it would be better if you could speak a little more loud". Another teacher quipped, "Well, that's how we work in class, don't we? Make ourselves loud and clear. Nice to meet you sir".

"Yes, ma'am. But why do you want to be a cloud in the rear? Seems a very foolish idea to me". "No Uncle, she said she's pleased to meet you". "Oh! So I am the cloud in the rear? Nice to meet you too miss".

All of them smiled at him, and yet he smiled back with no realization that he was being laughed at.

She then gave me an inquiring look. I whispered to her, "You see, my Uncle here has suffered from a sad thing in the past. And ever since...". She interrupted, "I understand. [With a louder tone]What do you do for a living, sir?". 

"Oh me. I sell antique things in Darjee. Used to live in Mumbai with my wife, Sadhana. She was taken away in the serial blasts [Collective sigh over here]. I wasn't. Maybe I had to live with selling antiques and meeting Adi, once every six months". "Who's Adi?", said another peer. I replied, "He's almost my cousin, a naval Officer". The girls oo-hed to this. And the guys, "Wicked! That must be an adventurous life, dude". 

"Yes, yes. Life is wicked. But nevertheless, I've never met anyone so strong and silent like Adi. He just comes over and talks to me about how his life is empty, with nothing extravagant to cover it up. Yes sir, life is sad". I couldn't help a grin, one minute Aditya's a hero. The next minute he's living a Spiderman's life. 

Shanky, one of the guys. exclaimed, "But all the fight in the sea must be amazing! It's not like some charity work some people want to take up!", he added looking at a girl. At this point Asha, the same girl, who is passionate about charity, lashed back, "Charity is much better to take up than speaking ill words to strangers like you. And even speaking ill about your own friends". She stormed out of the room, without another word. 

Iliaz, another bloke, guffawed, "Well, that went very well smoothly. God alone knows how long will you take to realize to become friends back. What if tomorrow you land up in a trouble yourself Shanky and Ash does the charity for you?". Shanky looked like he'd been slapped in public. He went off the room like Asha, and said no reply. Iliaz laughed again, some of the girls were stating that he should not have spoken like that. Iliaz never cared, he waved his hand and said, "Come now girls, he's behaving rather rudely to himself". 

"Why, yes yes, it is rude of myself to having been stayed for long time, I must leave. My train to Darjee is in about one and half hours. Oh my, is the watch right? It says 2.30". He'd been wearing this one past three years, a stopped watch. "It's stopped Uncle, and I don't know for long are you going to look at 2.30 everytime and say the same thing". 

We bade goodbye to the teachers and walked towards the main gate. We saw Asha standing on her own looking at the sky. When I said a hi, she turned to look at us with an obvious sad-heart-but-grimacing-face look. She replied my hello. I asked, "What are you doing here?". She said, "Nothing. I umm..was thinking of my mum who I lost in a car crash". I spoke nothing. My Uncle, who was till now gazing at the sky himself after looking at what Asha had been looking at, said "You know, sky changes clouds and colours sometimes. Once you have roaring thunders and then there is later a rainbow. Life is almost the same". Perhaps that was the most appropriate thing he'd ever mentioned in over a decade.Even if he was oblivious to what Asha had just said. 

Asha looked at him and smiled. "Uncle, you're right. Even though knowing this fact, we understand it better when it's felt. Thanks Uncle and have a safe journey and take good care of yourself". She just left with a nod, back to the college. 

"Uncle, even if she was hiding something more. You were very good!". And this was a genuine surprise for me. He added slowly, "You know Asha likes that young man". "What?!", said I. "Yes, she likes him very much and is worried she might lose him. He likes adventure, like he mentioned". 

"But who....Shanky! Waitaminit, how do you know this?", I asked, with a definite loudness in my voice and good he understood what I asked. "Didn't you notice? That's why that young man was very rude earlier in the department of cheetahs. Beats me, why they call it cheetahs. You even asked me what was wrong. I knew then too. When you left me as I talked to your friends, this girl kept looking at something below and I saw the same young man there. I just thought he would be here standing somewhere up here, and she was looking at him once again. I couldn't find him, but I noticed that the sky's looking bad. It might rain in some time. I better reach the railway station earlier. Well, nephew, nice knowing your friends, see you".

I stood silenced. He doesn't know where his first shirt button fits. But he knows this. 

 

I asked him, "How could you realize that she likes him? It might have been that they may have fought against each other". He replied, "Neffie, at your age, people actually fight when they want to be proven they're right. But they say such rude stuff against others pretending that they don't care, because they care a lot. I have crossed your age a million light years away. Oh! The light's fading away. Bye-bye neffie!".

I only said, "Bye Unc...le" which faded into the atmosphere. But he started with his walk. 

Maybe Uncle is more experienced in thoughts than rather just age. He continued walking on, he exclaimed with yell, "Why is it 2.30?".

Well, maybe not so experienced.